It feels great to turn the phone and off and disappear. The world seems to keep spinning faster and I am exhausted. Lately, I have been taking a minimum of 30 minutes out of my day to sit out on the balcony and let the sun hit my face. It is so refreshing and even though I've had access to this balcony for the last 5 years, it was only a week ago that I decided to use it. My schedule has been packed that I've had to forfeit sleep and sometimes eating. I'm drinking enough coffee that my French press can't keep up. Iced tall americano because it's too confusing for some of the folks with the green apron to pour two shots of espresso over ice with a dollop of whipped cream. What's a doppio con panna? You know you're doing something right when watching Bloomberg West at the butt crack of dawn or cuddling with a tangible copy of the Wall Street Journal is considered relaxing. One thing that doesn't set well with me is the lack of family time. After all I've lost two in the last year and I still can't seem to find time to visit family who is less than an hour away from me. I know, it's disgusting.
Soon I'll have to make the trek back to Mexico. Perhaps I'll add the places I actually want to visit too. With all the pain I still feel in my heart, it's best to stay busy. Busy to the point where I'm harming myself. I mean how much is too much? Business classes are intense. One in particular has me going through up to 5 chapters a week and just my luck it's the one with the thickest book. I've learned that the U.S. Constitution and the Bible have a few things in common: People who stand up for it, don't understand it so they make up whatever suits them. Secondly, it contradicts itself every other page. The law and legal language is convoluted, I'm sure I am guilty of a crime, by just sitting here. I'm often up for days at a time, reading, taking notes, banging my head on my desk, playing blackjack, walking around screaming bloody hell, all while balancing house life (wife duties). No need for applause, this is shit that needs to get done. My shoulder and wrist pain are only a small ripple in the pond of body ailments. I should probably schedule some yoga and weight training.
To my left, is a blackboard where I write a weekly quote. I haven't erased the last one because it's a good one and speaks exactly to who I'm becoming again. I say again, because even though to some I may be living a life at one end of the extremes, I feel balanced. If I don't feel like I'm going to die, I'm not living. I've probably said that before, but it means much more than that now. Last year, I was worried about too much frivolous shit. This year, I'm happy as long as I have time. I've purposely removed myself from a lot of circles. The elevator of life dropped a few, and is going up clearing the path for new beginnings. I'm taking leaps of faith like I did when I was 15, and 25. Oh, I am seeing a pattern now and I have fresh candles.
"One finds limits by pushing them." - H. Simon